hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
