Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
