I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
