the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
