So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
