I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
