i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
