So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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