I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's never too late to be topless.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
