I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
