physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
