please come you make the beer taste better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
