I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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