do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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