But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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