Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
