I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you had me at cake vodka
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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