you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just gift wrapped bread.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
