My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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