dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Text me some of your sweat
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
