They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
foreskin is a definite game changer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
