Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
