Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
