Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize