Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize