I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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