im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
