hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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