she woke up with a sticky ear
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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