You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
