Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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