the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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