I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
