oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
