I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
