I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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