Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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