pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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