he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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