my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you win again, gameday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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