you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
