He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
