we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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