if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
