I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
