TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
