I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
