She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
