She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
