I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
