Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
