shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
