is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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