You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
