Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...