road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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