Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
