Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
