you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
