ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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