i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
