I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
