I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
