I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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