Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
