I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
