SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
