currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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