8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
