like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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