She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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