Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
